Why can I not allow myself to be happy?

Don´t say you understand... Why can I not allow myself to be happy? I always find something to worrie me about. I know it´s only small things but my mind can´t stop spinning. The anxiety is eating me up from inside. I can feel how it grows larger and larger in my stomach. I wish there was someway to turn of my thoughts. I don´t wish to die... but I can´t live my life like this.

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